Stalin, Dietrich and the Porno Star – Part 3

by Shamus on June 17, 2018

So, the next morning. Well, there was this little glass of liquid again. This time, there was a slightly pinkish tinge to it. Now, I hadn’t eaten for a couple of days, so you can imagine how hungry I was. As most of you probably know, all these drugs and stuff take away your appetite. Except for marijuana of course, which gives you the munchies. I remember feeling very grateful at the time that they hadn’t put any marijuana out for me. It was very thoughtful of them – caring even. Anyway, I quickly drank this glass of stuff because I didn’t want to feel the unpleasant effects of malnutrition. About an hour later, I was on the bed looking at Stalin again when I became overwhelmed by this feeling of hatred for him. I lay there, calling him all the names under the sun. Maybe it was just the deep passion and bitterness of unrequited love, I don’t know.

Anyway, I was thoroughly fed up with him, so I turned the bed round so I could look at the face of a nearly dead Marlene Dietrich. Call me a necrophiliac if you like, but I was determined to put the affair with Stalin out of my mind completely. So, I settled down in front of Marlene and for a while, I was quite happy counting all the wrinkles and spots and stuff, when the hatch opened again and there was a thud caused by something falling on the floor. I got up to have a look and to my amazement, there was a can of pork cutlets in gravy lying on the floor. No knife and fork, or even a plate. Worse still, there was no can opener, just this can of pork cutlets in gravy. Now, I don’t know if any of you have tried to open a can without an opener, but it’s virtually impossible. I tried jumping up and down on it. I tried throwing it with great force against the wall, but to no avail.

So, I’d given up on the pork cutlets in gravy and was gazing quite intently on the face of this nearly dead Marlene Dietrich, when I became aware of a gradual change in the features. Her nose started to get much larger and quite bulbous, then all this white hair started sprouting from all over the place. Soon, there were these big bushy eyebrows, a large moustache and a generous helping of white wavy hair. After a while, I suddenly realised that I was looking at Albert Einstein, you know, the physicist. I suppose it was this strange drug they’d given me because, when he stepped out of the picture and took my hand, I wasn’t at all surprised. So, he took my hand and we then drifted up and up and up, until we landed on the platform of this very tall minaret.

There were a group of musicians there with guitars, amps and drums, all tuning up and ready to go. Now I’m not saying it was ASWAD, but it might have been. Or maybe it was the Asian Dub Foundation, I don’t know. Anyway, I recognized a few friendly faces. Well, the band broke into O Come All Ye Faithful and Albert started singing. He didn’t have a very good voice – he was out of tune and his timing was terrible, but what do you expect from a physicist? But, when I looked down at the landscape surrounding us, I was gob smacked. We were standing on the platform of this huge minaret and all around, as far as the eyes could see, was desert, with the odd oasis here and there. And below us, gathered all around were hundreds, no thousands of animals from Africa; giraffes, lions, zebras, antelopes, cheetahs, you name it. It was like being in a scene out of The Lion King, but directed by Salvador Dali or Luis Bunuel or someone like that.

Then there was another thud on the floor. A second can of pork cutlets in gravy had been pushed through the hatch. And it went on like this for some time. Probably once an hour I should say. I stacked them all up in a corner of the room. I’d lost all sense of time, so I remember thinking that if I stacked them in piles of twelve, I’d have a rough idea of the numbers of hours that had passed and how long I’d been there. It saved carving notches on the wall, you know, like they do in films.

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